Recently things have all been about breathing space.
Getting rid of that feeling that everything is needed at once and there's no time to think or be the master of your own destiny, or even thoughts. Everything from people coming to work on the house, general chatter, heat, unsolicited advice, answers to questions I didn't ask, and of course stuff.
We have peeled enough layers of the onion to address things that had a home and weren't causing any bother - like books. We'd been talking for a long time about needing a bookcase, now we're 100+ books lighter we don't need one, we would still quite like a small one, but we don't need it right now. I don't remember most of the books that we donated, and if I want to read one again I'll borrow it from someone, from the library, read it on my e-reader or do something else. Keeping hold of books was just another form of just in case clutter. Books have no magical properties, other than those we bestow on them, the book in itself, unless it's sentimental, is just a book, it's just a thing like all the other things in the world - furniture, ornaments, shoes, exercise equipment, they have importance if I give it to them. A book is nothing to me if I'm not going to read it.
My boss came round one afternoon with the van to take away electrical items we'd been keeping hold of just in case too. It was a relief to see it go. Mistakes, wastes of money, things we didn't need, things we didn't want, surplus, items I wanted for my fantasy self all gone to a better home.
Things feel very easy at the moment, other than the usual trails of hay, everywhere is clean and tidy, because it's just the easier option. I don't even mind doing the washing up these days, there's space for everything, and I like everything we have so looking after it is nothing to even think about, I was a bit daft for ever feeling differently.
I'm also feeling very grateful. After nearly losing one of the buns in September things that used to take up my brain space just don't. I'm not bothered about sweeping the rug for the 8th time in one day, I used to be resentful at times, but now I just like seeing the mini beasts running around, making a mess. I used to resent the money we spent on the bathroom as it's not perfect and we've had lots of problems with it, but now I don't. It's done and we don't have to think about it any more, we don't have to make any decisions about it. And I let go of trying to use the most eco friendly, plastic free cleaning products that just didn't work to clean the dust attracting shower tray and I bought some cream cleaner. It takes a 5p size amount to clean the whole thing, and it smells of lemons, I like that.
Maybe there will be some kind of disaster later on and everything will change, but everything will probably be fine whatever happens. Maybe not ideal, certainly not perfect, but probably fine.