Friday, 1 July 2016

June

There's never really a bad time to be honest with yourself I don't think. 

When I feel stressed or frustrated I get the urge to empty the house and start all over again. It's a real temptation to start from scratch, but it's not realistic, and other than at that moment it's not really desirable. But it's good to change things, even things that seem to be immovable. Because it's not about the stuff, the stuff is a symbol, or a symptom. I know I'm not alone in this, because we're never the only one are we? For me at least it's just that things have gone too far and I've finally reached that "I've had it" moments where change has to happen. It's when I've sleepwalked into a way of being. 

The events of June gave me an existential jolt, what am I doing with my life, and for what purpose? I am distinctly average in every single way, and I'm certainly not passionate about things in the same way inspirational people such are Jo Cox are. But that's no reason to not do the small things well 

I was glad of the cooler, overcast days at the end of June to absorb the news and do overcast day things like clean the living room windows, enjoy cups of tea, made with leaves rather than bags, and work on my big blue quilt. I say quilt, it's more of a bedspread as it's just a top and a back, no wadding. We made progress in the garden. We stuck seeds into the ground, and some of them grew into edible things! I pulled clump after clump of grass from the flower beds, and removed trugs full of weeds. We have ordered pebbles to cover the former lawn area, they are arriving on Monday.

We've cooked together lots, Dan made bread upon bread, including very nice bagels. I started to work my way through Vegan Street Food. We finally started to save some money, and booked a night away in London so I can see the Georgia O'Keeffe exhibition. I've slightly altered my hours at the charity shop, just to give me a bit more flexibility and to stop the bit time jam I had around tea time. Everything seems lighter and more clear, there's time and space for things, thoughts and people. 

As an addition to yesterday, the baby bird is indeed living on the ground, it is in a spot under a bush, behind the Insect Hospital and walled in by the stacks of old lawn, so it's very sheltered, the parents are in and out frequently with food, so we shall see. 

12 comments:

  1. Oh I know that feeling, like everything must go so we can get a clean start. Enjoy the Georgia O'Keefe exhibit, I do like her work so vibrant.

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    1. Thanks, we're not going for a little while but I'm looking forward to it.

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  2. I know that feeling of wanting to get rid of everything and start again. A kind of reinvention of yourself. I think sometimes it's only too easy not to question and to carry on with routines, not even realising that you're not exactly satisfied with certain aspects of your life.

    Recognition, is the first step to making change though, so you're in a good place in that respect, even if only small changes need to be made at first, as these can lead to bigger changes. Good luck finding the solutions.

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    1. I don't think I need to do anything dramatic, just to focus more on what I want to do and what I need to do rather than become distracted by other things.

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  3. It sounds as if you have found a wonderful way to regenerate and relax. There are times I want to start all over again as well so you are not alone in that respect.

    Enjoy your new altered hours at the charity shop, sometimes it is the little changes that make the biggest difference.

    God bless.

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    1. You're exactly right, it was just a small amount of tweaking needed to regain a bit of balance.

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  4. I agree a good think is needed. I'm not sure how to sum up June-tragic and joyful together.

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    1. It was certainly a time for reflection.

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  5. The baby bird sounds adorable. I would love to have the time to make bread - the bagels sound lovely.

    https://lizziedailyblog.blogspot.co.uk/

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    1. I'm amazed he has the drive and energy to do it after a week at work, but he really enjoys it.

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  6. It's good to take stock and reassess. I'm glad you've become more time sorted! And I'm here, cheering that birdy on!!

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