Tuesday, 12 May 2015

My Favourite Shirt



I have just chucked out* my favourite shirt. I bought the shirt when I was at university, I think it must have been 1999 at the latest because I remember where I was living when I bought it. I love love love this shirt, I don't know why. It doesn't suit me - it's boxy, I'm curvy, the colours don't suit me, it's hot and sweaty to wear and it doesn't "go" with anything. And yet for the past however many years I've been wearing it. To be honest for large parts of my life I've looked a bit of a mess anyway so a shirt not suiting me probably wouldn't have made much of a difference anyway!




I think I was keeping it because I think it represents something about me, but what that is and whether it was ever true is open to question. Maybe it's about being visible and making a statement about myself, I would have to ask why it would matter that I looked remarkable to someone I don't know, I attract enough strangers in the street already without my clothes drawing attention to me! I am distinctly unremarkable as a person, I am kind of average on the face of it - I'm a suburban housewife after all. Obviously when you dig down I'm very subversive, maybe appearing average is a good disguise. I found out a while ago that my neighbour thought I was a nurse because no-one ever sees me, why a nurse and not a spy I wonder. Probably the glasses, if I was a spy I'd have contact lenses or something.




I also have a little bit of a mental block around anything that survived the big cull. When I got my house in order and stopped the hoarding I think I gave great importance to anything that survived this process, these things have been elevated to extra special status (for anyone who doesn't know, the junk I kept was all about remembering things, keeping a detail of any experience, no matter how mundane, so I could recall it at any time). That's what makes it really hard to get rid of the extra old items, I tend to fall into the "it must mean something now because it meant something then" mindset. Even if it does represent a time in my life, keeping the item won't enhance my memories or bring those times back. If I'm honest, I wouldn't want those times back, I was a bit of a prat. 


*chucked out means reused/donated/given to someone/handed back/sold, not just put in the bin.  

6 comments:

  1. I can understand that association of memories of things and yes, the idea of keeping something even if it is particularly unflattering or not ideal. I have far too much attachment to things also and a liking for new whilst still appreciating the old. X

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    1. Part of dealing with my hoarding was learning to stop outsourcing my memories onto items. So when there's something hanging around I need to remember what I know and not just rely on how I feel. It's been a bit harder than I thought.

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  2. Some things are incredibly hard to get rid of, especially if you've worn them consistently over the years and have given you great service. The emotional attachment of particular memories they conjure up is also difficult not to ignore. Well done for getting to a place mentally where you can finally let go.

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    1. Thank you. As I said to Kezzie, I had to learn to accept that the thing isn't what helps me to remember things. I remember things despite not having a physical reminder, and when I got rid of my junk there was stuff I clearly kept for a reason and couldn't remember why!

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  3. I have a few things like that too, I won't even wear them, but I keep them anyway.

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    1. It's reassuring to know I'm not the only person who does it, thanks.

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