Tuesday, 12 May 2015
My Favourite Shirt
I have just chucked out* my favourite shirt. I bought the shirt when I was at university, I think it must have been 1999 at the latest because I remember where I was living when I bought it. I love love love this shirt, I don't know why. It doesn't suit me - it's boxy, I'm curvy, the colours don't suit me, it's hot and sweaty to wear and it doesn't "go" with anything. And yet for the past however many years I've been wearing it. To be honest for large parts of my life I've looked a bit of a mess anyway so a shirt not suiting me probably wouldn't have made much of a difference anyway!
I think I was keeping it because I think it represents something about me, but what that is and whether it was ever true is open to question. Maybe it's about being visible and making a statement about myself, I would have to ask why it would matter that I looked remarkable to someone I don't know, I attract enough strangers in the street already without my clothes drawing attention to me! I am distinctly unremarkable as a person, I am kind of average on the face of it - I'm a suburban housewife after all. Obviously when you dig down I'm very subversive, maybe appearing average is a good disguise. I found out a while ago that my neighbour thought I was a nurse because no-one ever sees me, why a nurse and not a spy I wonder. Probably the glasses, if I was a spy I'd have contact lenses or something.
I also have a little bit of a mental block around anything that survived the big cull. When I got my house in order and stopped the hoarding I think I gave great importance to anything that survived this process, these things have been elevated to extra special status (for anyone who doesn't know, the junk I kept was all about remembering things, keeping a detail of any experience, no matter how mundane, so I could recall it at any time). That's what makes it really hard to get rid of the extra old items, I tend to fall into the "it must mean something now because it meant something then" mindset. Even if it does represent a time in my life, keeping the item won't enhance my memories or bring those times back. If I'm honest, I wouldn't want those times back, I was a bit of a prat.
*chucked out means reused/donated/given to someone/handed back/sold, not just put in the bin.