Wednesday, 4 March 2015

"Should"

This is a bit of a rant I'm afraid.

I come from the standpoint of "your problems are your problems". If you're having a hard time then it can feel like the end of the world, even if people who have been through a similar thing know that it will be fine in the end - teenage heartbreak, smashing your favourite cup, having manflu, losing your job, just feeling a bit down.

I have "you are blessed" fatigue at the minute. I also have Marie Kondo fatigue, but there you have it. If someone is having a rubbish time then it's OK for them to say so, we all know there are people worse off than us, it doesn't mean we can't ever feel like crying, or feel that there's no light at the end of the tunnel. We're finally starting to get over the stiff upper lip aren't we, it's good to talk about our feelings and our struggles, at least in part to know we're not alone. Telling someone who is having a bad time they should be glad they're not in *insert horrible life-or-death situation* isn't helpful. Be a friend or remain silent is surely the best policy. 

Just to add, nothing bad is happening in my life at the minute but I've heard friends of friends say it to someone who is having a hard time and it makes my blood boil. 

6 comments:

  1. I must admit that I do say things like that to myself when I'm feeling sorry for myself, but I agree, it doesn't feel helpful if you are on the receiving end of such a remark when you are upset about something and take someone into your confidence. It kind of trivialises your problems and makes you feel guilty for having feelings at all.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Exactly, why not speak as you like to be spoken to - including when you're talking to yourself.

      I think when we reach a point that we reduce things down to "it's not life and death" things become pointless, I'm never going to win a medal for anything, become a top chef, or in fact be the best of anything - should I give up? No, because life's not about the extremes or the exceptions.

      Delete
  2. I know what you mean- it's just not sensitive is it! x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's not sensitive, it's not helpful and it doesn't enhance our relationships in any way.

      Delete
  3. There are always going to be people worse than you but their problems do not affect you personally other than maybe a brief emotion. Your problems are only felt by you and those immediately around you.

    I didn't know what you meant by Marie Kondo so had a quick search and couldn't believe people paid money for someone telling them what in their lives they need to get rid of! Like the first paragraph, what you have in your life is personal, and it's not for some fashionable de cluttering 'expert' to tell you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's a really good way to put it, thanks.

      I confess, when I was sorting my house out, I needed a lot of help, sometimes for people to tell me a certain thing was actually rubbish, sometimes just for support to say it was OK to do what I was doing. Although I suppose my issue was a mental health thing rather than a general "sorting out my stuff" thing.

      Delete