I want to do all these things, and I have all these exciting plans*, and I also have some kind of lurgy - the legs hurt so much you don't want to stand up, or sit down, or lie down, or think about having legs kind. Very annoying!
So here I am, under a blanket thinking about things but not actually doing the things. The Desire Map popped into my head for the first time in ages. I didn't finish the book as the battery on my kindle ran out and I don't seem to have the charging wire anymore, who knows where that went. But I was thinking about how things have changed since I had my dark night of the soul at the start of last year.
Things have changed quite a lot. I remembered my "core desired feelings" and thought about them for a bit. I'm doing fairly well with them. My main word was light, while I haven't managed to shed any physical weight I am a lot lighter in my general being. I don't take things as seriously, when things aren't really anything to do with me I don't make them such - which isn't the same as not noting they are there. I am more likely to say yes to a change of plan, and no to doing things that I don't want to do. I've slowed down a lot and my brain isn't buzzing all over the place quite so much, but not quite slow enough to be able to sit and read a book without thinking about other things!
My other words all support the idea of lightness - radiant, receptive, clear and unencumbered. Letting things go, not taking on things for other people, being open to options and ideas, having time and space, being ready for now. That's what's important to me, it's the everyday and it's above the everyday. It's the way to guide me through life, but also how to choose what I wear, to spend time staring out of the window (not now as the window cleaner is here and it would be uncomfortable for us both), to be ready for something or nothing. Just being me.
But for now, it's going to sleep for a bit, I am becoming a big fan of Night Nurse.