Monday, 22 September 2014

It's Not What You Know, It's Who You Know

I'm a bit woe is me today! I know people are generally very poetic when it comes to the end of a friendship and can drum up lots of beautiful words and all that caper, but that's not me on this day. 

I've just found out via a bit of a weird route that one of my best friends has moved to another country. I mean, I knew they were planning to go and that it would be some time this year. But they've gone and they didn't tell me. 

I know moving house is stressful and moving abroad must be crazy stressful, but just to not say anything, obviously I overestimated how important our friendship was. The last few times we spoke they did mention that one of the great things about moving so far away is that they could burn bridges, and let go of relationships they no longer needed or were a drain on them. To be honest, with them saying that to me, I didn't think I was going to be on the list. Maybe, looking back they were giving me a hint that our time was up and I just didn't pick up on it. I know things change and people change, I just didn't realise that I was surplus to requirements in this relationship. 

Dan was gobsmacked when I told him, so he's being very kind and supportive because I'm just floored by finding out this way. I've always thought I was a pretty good judge of the tone of things, knowing when thins were changing and ending, the past couple of months have served to show me that maybe that's not true at all. 

12 comments:

  1. I can imagine that is extremely hurtful... what a strange way to treat you. The only thing I can think of is that we live in a modern world where the other side of the world isn't that far away (skype, fb, cheap flights etc) and therefore big goodbyes are not as important to people. Maybe she will be in touch when she is settled...

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    1. Thanks. I'd like to think you're right, but I don't think it's the case. What can you do, nothing at all!

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  2. Maybe she will be in touch when the dust of moving has settled - if not it is her loss not yours and I would concentrate on the friends you do see and speak with and just remember this one as a friend just passing through your life.

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    1. It's one of those times I'll just have to let it go. I'm just surprised after nearly 20 years it ended this way.

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  3. How sad, sounds like you were a better friend than they were.

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  4. Although it's probably no consolation to you at the moment, if they don't already, perhaps they will appreciate one day what a good friend you are/were to them.

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  5. Wise friends have already said what I would say. It does hurt when it happens - but I am sure you have many true friends close by [and thru the blog] Personally I find it very sad when people talk about 'relationships they no longer need'. People are not like old, odd socks, to be discarded when holes appear!! There are times when we are particularly close to someone, often because of a shared situation, then not so close because our lives have altered - but that doesn't mean I would burn the bridges between us.
    Can you email them one of those free e-cards saying simply 'hoping your new life works out well' or something? that way it shows YOU still care. Maybe they left lots of people off their list [not just you] when they upped and went ?

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    1. Thank you Angela.

      The funny thing is that I had been thinking of dropping them a line this week as I'd had no contact for a wee while.

      They were certainly planning to end a few friendships when starting their new life over there, so I'm not the only one. I do know they're in touch with people I didn't think they were all that close to.

      I'll think about the e-card, it's probably the best option.

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  6. It is such a shame that we live in a disposable society and that includes friendships. However, we've all been in situations where we have got rid of something that we have later regretted. You have been the better friend and I am sorry that you are hurting :( Big hugs from a virtual friend xxx

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