I have been struggling with change recently, knowing I have to change and feeling like I want to but without any real direction. Trying the things I think I should change without really looking at how.
Well, it all came to a head on Saturday night, a sad, happy explosion of emotions and now I feel a lot better. When we were paying off our debts dealing with the day to day budgeting was a big part of the day. I was also learning to cook, getting rid of my tons of junk and generally getting used to being an adult in the world. I now realise that that's not how life is any more. Yes, I'm in charge of day to day budgeting, yes I am still learning to cook but it's not as time consuming as before and so there's a lot of time and a bit of a hole in my days.
I've known something was up for a while as I'd started to consume more and look to having things and shopping as an outlet and a leisure activity rather than a functional thing. So I thought I'd do what George Costanza did and whatever I'd normally do, do the opposite, after all, what I'd normally do obviously isn't what I really want to do. I'm not the only to try the Costanza Method either The Minimalist Mom, Nerd Fitness and lifehacker to name a few.
My first act was on Sunday, I bought The Desire Map by Danielle Porte for the Kindle after reading about it at be more with less. Not the type of thing I'd usually go for, I'd usually roll my eyes at something like that, not now! I'm just going with it, not really reflecting on whether I agree or not, just reading and seeing what happens.
The idea is that we usually start with the end in mind, so we set tasks rather than thinking about how we most want to feel then acting accordingly. I'm not up to this bit yet but when I do I'll be developing my "Core Desired Feelings", the few words that describe how I want to feel then I'll get to the business of doing things to take me closer to than and ditching things that take me away from it. It's about looking inside rather than outside for ... stuff, happiness, whatever it is I want to feel.
I'm George Costanza and I will have soup.