Have you ever had a romance that ended badly and then got worse? I know I keep promising not to talk about him but once again My Bad Boyfriend feels the need to hurt me and refuse to give me my stuff back.
Dumping me and sodding off with a beautiful beach babe I could have coped with but no, he dumped me for the charmless lump who lives next to the sewage works. Then he did a good thing by making my dream come true. Now he's even taken that away by getting himself kicked out of the England squad four flipping days before the tournament starts.
You, sir are a cad, a bounder and I don't know why I ever gave you another chance. My mother warned me about people like you.
If I ever mention him again please take me out, ply me with sherry and show me pictures of ferrets, or give me a shake. Either is fine.